Closing a chapter

This last week, as I was in Texas doing some things for my certification, I found this picture on a friend's facebook page

And it hit me like a brick to the stomach.  I found myself living in the wrong story.  Not the part of my story where I travel the world, and am teaching in Guatemala.  That part is definitely mine.  But I started thinking about the parts of my life that I was trying to force to be right, the parts that I found myself living for someone else.

In Texas this week, I found myself saying goodbye - to people, to things, to a life I have lived and fought for, and that is no longer mine.  It is so heartbreaking to close a chapter of your life that you have loved so much.
Between my soul aches I had at the beginning of the week for Guatemala, and the soul aches I ended with for Texas - my week-long break in the states has been much more emotional than expected.  My soul has definitely been tired and sad, but it is also hopeful.  I am looking forward to being more present in MY story.

I had a really lovely last 2 days in Texas.  My good friend Jessica scooped me up and I spent a day in my old stomping grounds - Seguin, Texas.  I got to see old friends, get some big hugs, and see the beautiful recital put on by Teatro De Artes, an organization I used to spend so much time in.  It warmed my heart to see the kids I used to know all grown up, up and stage and amazing.  My last day was the perfect balance of nostalgia and rest.  Jess and I went running, played cribbage, ate Thai food (which I have been craving for 4 months!), watched 2 disney pixar movies AND Karate Kid - I totally still have a crush on Ralph Maccio. Thank you Jess!!

Here's talented little Nathan making the crowd go wild!

When I saw an old friend, Tim, yesterday, I was explaining to him my out of body experience this week of feeling such intense soul aches for my home and family in Guatemala, and not feeling fully connected with being present here in Texas.  Tim told me about something a friend once told him - about life after working with indigenous cultures.  He said it can feel like you are split - your body is in one place, but your soul is still left behind.  It can feel disconnected for awhile before your soul catches up.

My soul is still back in Guatemala, and I fly back tomorrow to catch up with it.  Adios Tejas!  I will miss you mucho.  I'll visit sometime in the future, when I have my own story to share with you.