A Violent Upswing

Disclaimer: If you are a person prone to worrying about me, don't keep reading this post.

Sometimes the ups and downs of life here are so intense it can feel like a bag of bricks comes out of nowhere and knocks the wind out of you.

After such a love-filled weekend Mother's Day weekend, the last 2 weeks have been full of tough news and soul aches.  The Monday following Mother's Day began with devastating news.  One of my little old language students lost her grandson to gang violence. She is the sweetest ol' thing, and comes up just past my waist.  Every time I see her I wrap her in a hug, and it's so hard to see someone I adore looking so broken. The same weekend, our head chef was extorted by the gangs and escaped in the middle of the night. After 30 years with UPAVIM, she uprooted and left.  The women were really shaken up by these events, and their fear was pretty palpable.  That same week, rival gangs were heating up for a war of some kind, and we were on lockdown for 2 days. By the end of our lockdown, the volunteers had all successfully driven each other crazy.

We have started hearing gunshots several times each night, and 3 people have been killed on our block in the last week.  The most horrible, heart wrenching thing I have ever heard in my life, is the sound of someone bemoaning the sudden and violent death of their loved one.  On one of our lockdown nights, when someone died just past our building, I heard a man crying for his brother for hours.  It was impossible to escape his crying - no matter how much noise we made on the roof, his grief was louder.  My heart hurt a lot that night.

My sanity here is living in the community.  The kids can be hard to teach, the volunteers can get exhausting, my health is always teetering between parasite and cold (this week I came down with STREP throat). . . but living in the community makes all the rest worth it.  I love walking through the streets and saying hi to all my friends.  I love stopping at my favorite corner tiendas to buy food and chat about life.  I love having a barrage of kids smother me with kisses and hugs and questions.  I love when the women invite me in for coffee and chisme.  I haven't been able to go home every night because of the violence, and I've been stuck up on the roof many times, sleeping on a floor or couch. When the violence takes away my ability to leave this building and go home to my family here - my sanity starts to leave me.  I already hate the gangs for the hurt they cause this beautiful community, but on those nights, I have a personal grudge against them and I start counting the days till I leave.  On those days, it's easy to forget what I love here.

Luckily the past few nights have been safer and I have been able to sleep in my own bed.  I spent a wonderful evening with one of my favorite families - sharing dinner, music, and tons of laughter. And meat!  I live with a bunch of vegetarians, and I am always excited at the opportunity to eat some carne.  Tonight was hamburgers. . . que delicioso!  And my favorite surprise of my whole 5 months living here. . . . this family got a washing machine and gave me the gift of doing my laundry!  I was geared up for 2 hours of handwashing, but Marisol (the mother) said "You are one of my best friends here," and then she took all my laundry straight upstairs.

For all you worriers. . . I am being safe.  I stay in when I need to and escape when I can.  And my sanity is restored and my soul gets filled up with love on nights like tonight. . . and I feel like I can keep at this for another week.