You are my other me

Much like the super highs and intensely rough lows of living here, there are some intense dichotomies that exist in this community. I work in a women's co-op, with 72 amazing and talented women.  Within these walls they are independent, strong, hilarious, loud and empowered.  Through their crafts, teaching and advocacy they fight for a better life for themselves and their community.  They have faced more challenges than any people I have ever met, and in the face of genocide, machismo husbands and abusive gangs, they still have been able to stand strong.

Outside this building?  Nightly gunshots ring through the air.  Drunken men cat call us as we walk by, and sixth grade boys mimic their fathers, yelling obscenities at us and other women.  One of our volunteers has been inappropriately groped by men on the road. And the women go home (not all, but the vast majority) and are beaten by their husbands.

This women's cooperative does not open it's doors to the men.  Men can't work here, and there is no place for boys to volunteer or positively spend time after leaving 6th grade.  Through the absence of men in this building, we are telling these boys that there is no place for them here.  We are telling them that they are just going to end up drunk and in a gang, and we don't approve.  And so, I feel as though we pre-destine them to this life cycle.  What other choices are we showing them?  Before even coming here, I knew the community needed positive male role models in the community. I told people that it would be my mission to tackle that "small" task.  Now, being here, I hear the words of the woman that interviewed me "Courtney, if you want to, that would be great.  We just haven't figured out how to implement something like that yet."  And here I am, wondering the same thing. When I went on my cross country volunteer trip last year, I met a police woman who volunteered at a community center in Dallas.  She said to me "These people here, they contradict the attraction to gang violence."  That's what this place desperately needs.  A safe place that pulls kids in, turning their attention away from the only option they currently see.

And so, as I haven't yet figured out yet how to do that for the boys. . . I'll keep fostering an empowered fight in the girls. I've started a Chicas Poderosas (Powerful Girl's) Club with my friend Meagan.  Every Friday we hang out.  These girls have so much to say - about their roles in their house, about the violence they see, about the reasons why they need a safe and sacred space to be girls.

This week as a school, we also went to a city wide speech competition.  The theme of the speeches was "Why is education important and how can we make it better?"  Our 6th grade UPAVIM girl got first place.  She spoke about violence, about demanding more from this life and about education being the opportunity for "una vida mejor." I got goosebumps seeing this little activist storm the stage.

And while it isn't perfect, and while I will still continue searching for ways a white girl can come to Guatemala and empower a group of boys, I will keep being inspired by the amazing mujeres and chicas poderosas of this community.

Here is a poem - from Luis Valdez's poem "Piensimientos Serpentino" - that we start and end each day with the Chicas.

"Tú eres mi otro yo.
You are my other me.
Si te hago daño a ti,
If I do harm to you,
Me hago daño a mi mismo.
I do harm to myself.
Si te amo y respeto,
If I love and respect you,
Me amo y respeto yo.
I love and respect myself."

Here are the Chicas, making a banner for our group

Here's Michelle and her proud class-mates

R and R

After a tough few days, preceded by a tough few weeks, I decided to take a romantic getaway . . .for one.  I packed up and left for 4 days to a lodge nestled in the mountains above Antigua.  For these three nights, I did nothing but sleep in hammocks, read books, draw, do yoga, and eat delicious food.  I've never been one to indulge myself.  My mind is too busy buzzing with my to-do lists, and my pockets feel the burn of spending money.  But, for possibly the first time ever, I spent 4 days of doing absolutely nothing else, but spending time and money indulging my peace of heart. And it was BIEN worth it.

A few months before trekking down here, I went to a panel discussion on "Art Inspiration."  One panelist, when asked where she finds her inspiration, said, "I can't afford to be choosy when it comes to inspiration.  Everything is game to inspire me, anything from a beautiful person to an aluminum can on the side of the road."  I love that idea, and choose to apply this to life at large.  When I remember to open my eyes, I am often surprised by the amount of inspiration surrounding me.

When I was at the lodge, I got to share a little slice of life with Maurine and her beautiful daughters.  I found a kindred spirit in Maurine, and over dinner we shared laughs, frustrations and tears.  She has taken her daughters on adventures around the world, and the confidence I saw in those girls inspired me.  On our last night together, we went sauna-ing.  As we were about to head in, Maurine asked "You don't care if we go in naked do you?" I didn't.  But I also have never been a person who can easily shed my clothes. I've always hate that women are taught to be ashamed of their bodies, but have spent too many of my years hating my own. As we all sat desnudo in the sauna, I was in awe of a high school girl sitting so easily in her skin. As we left the sauna, I found my favorite constellations and danced under the stars in a field all to myself.  It filled my soul with peace and calm - a super freeing momento, that has kept a smile on my face for days. It was an honor to be in the presence of such beautiful, empowered girls, and it made me excited to return back to my community of inspiring women.  

See that little tuft of smoke?  The volcano has a tiny eruption every half hour.  It was cool to feel hear the tiny rumblings. 

 Yoga time

 I always find the women carrying things on their heads to be so beautiful. 

Aqui Estoy!

Puchica!  Once again, I've failed to keep up with posting.  Life can get so busy and demanding here, that I get tunnel vision.  So, this is another overview to catch you - anyone who's still checking this - up on what's been happening down here in Guate.

It turned out to be impossible to give up English.  As part of a team of English teachers - several who don't speak Spanish - giving up English would have taken away our ability to think tank and do the work we need for the school.  Plus, I couldn't go 40 days without talking to my family.  So, lenten vow broken. . . .but still using more Spanish than before. 

During a torrential downpour, we had a flood in our house!  While this sounds like it should have been horrible, it ended up being the most fun I've had since living here.  Nothing was ruined, and we all laughed our hearts out while playing in our swimming pool room, and trying to bail out the porch. 

On my way out to the porch to bail out water

A soaked and happy Deborah. Behind her, Danny (our house brother) is hammering a drain

For International Women's Day, I taught my kiddos a song about women and we performed it at an assembly.  It's hard to understand my little language learners, but they are singing about women helping the world, being fighters and having lots of different jobs.  

UPAVIM held its elections to elect a new president and Junta (council).  I sat back and loved watching the process.  I ended up sitting next to the newly elected president, and it was fun to gossip with her, and joke about her next two years as Jefe (boss).  It was a process full of kinks and re-votes, frustrated outbursts and tons of laughter.  In the end, the women were proud of their newly elected leadership, and the new council promised to God and their community that they would fight for what was right.

Taking down nominations for president

 Casting votes

I went to the beach with a group of women and their children. After a super stressful week, it was good to remember to play.  One of my students was at the beach, and we wave jumped and surfed until we were full of salt.  We dug a swimming pool in the sand complete with a retaining wall to protect us from the waves, and built a sand castle for zombies.  After the beach we went to a swimming hole to bathe. .. .and I came home completely pooped - the perfect I-played-so-hard-today-and-laughed-till-my-face-hurt-and-got-to-much-sun-and-will-probably-look-like-a-lobster-tomorrow kind of exhaustion.

 We could have walked. . . .but we took the boat instead.  And hit bottom the whole way. 

 Our swimming hole shower

And just a few with my kiddos. 

Adios English. See you at Easter.

One of my favorite parts of being isolated on the roof in a slum, is having parties.  Festivities definitely restore my sanity, and rejuvinate my tired gusto.

For Valentine's Day, or Dia De Carino (day of Kindness) as it is called here, we had a big party for all the women.  We had a hilarious time playing "Pin a Kiss on Brad Pitt" with everyone. 

Texas Indpendence Day was March 2nd.  My house mate, Deborah, is a native Texan, and this is her favorite day of the year.  We put on our patriotic best and, and I pulled out all my Texas know-how to live it up Lone Star Style. 

       

On Texas independence day. . . part of our skyline also erupted!  One of the volcanos we can see from our roof, less than 50 km away, erupted Sunday morning to start off our Texas fiesta - everything's bigger in Texas, you know. We were safe, but it was pretty fascinating to watch the ash billowing out. 

                                    

And. . ..it's lent!  I sometimes decide to give something up for lent, and this year, I've decided to give up English!  It's like the saying "When in Rome. . . .speak only Spanish."  My only itty-bitty snaffu is that I'm here to teach English.  So, my lenten vow has an exception.  I'm MOSTLY giving up English.  From here on out, I will be exercising my photo journalism skills for my blog.  These next 40 days will also likely be a testament to my charade skills.  Happy March!!  Hope you have a reason as adorable as these to smile about. 

        

Con Sangre, Las Letras Entran

Where do I even start?  Saber (a saying here that means 'Who knows')

I haven't blogged in so long because life has kept me busy.  One of the things I've been wanting to talk about is Special Education here in my escuela.  There are no services here for special ed kiddos, which wasn't too surprising because it requires extra resources and people.  But it did surprise me that there doesn't seem to be much acknowledgement of kids functioning at different levels.  Kids get held back for years - right now there's a 14 year old in 3rd grade - because they don't meet the standard.  Instead of changing the standard to be an approachable reality for this kids, they just continue to fail, in hopes that 3 years of dictation in the same grade will eventually etch into their brains how to write the letter M.

One of my roof mates, Diego, told me a saying in Mexico.  "Con sangre las letras entran."  With blood, the letters enter.  Through painful experiences, you will learn.  I heard Diego's words loud in my head during a conference with a parent.  One of my special ed buddies has been having a super tough time.  We've been working 2 months on the same thing, and he's still not retaining it.  His mom told me that the reason he isn't learning is because Brenda (my teaching partner and I) are too nice.  She said when she hits him in the head, he knows it.  So, me dijo, you just have to hit him when you teach him something and he'll do it right.  Con sangre las letras entran.

With all my experience working with people with special needs, and my always being inspired and awed by my dad, these kiddos have been pulling at my heart strings.  I finally was able to teach my partner about changing the evaluations we use for our 5 kids, and I am modeling a pull-out program every morning.  I've been talking to our new director about the possibility of doing something like this with every grade, to remove kids from so much stimulation and give them access to information at their level.

My 2 hours of Special Ed pull out has been the worst part of my day for a whole month.  All of my worst behaviors are wrapped up in the 5 kids I pull out. I have been punched and kicked and called a bitch.  My students have stabbed and strangled each other, eaten our crayons, stolen my carefully prepared prizes, and run screaming through the school. But this week, when I thought I should probably give up. . . .we finally found success!! With the help of my dad and all my friends and resources I reached out to for ideas - muchisimas gracias!  We've finally found our rhythm and routine, without hitting anyone's head or shedding any blood!

I'm super excited to expose the teachers here to knowledge and practices that can hopefully give the kiddos here a leg up.    

These pics aren't related to SPED, just pictures of my kids that make me smile.  Here's my buddy Mario, with his self-portrait.  He is the best part of my day.

Can you guess which kid is my Narcoleptic?  

These cousins are in my class, and they love stealing my phone for selfies. 

My new room

This week I moved off the roof and into the community.  I love it so much!!  I'm now living in the house of Angela, one of the amazing women at UPAVIM.  I feel so much more connected to this experience living in the community, seeing people, playing with kids, getting chased by roosters.  It's also good for my mental health to leave the building!  I end my nights watching a Tele Novela (Soap Opera) with Angela, and I start my mornings with a trip to the panederia.

My room before I moved in

And after!  It may not look like much, but I'm in love with it!  I used bits of wire sticking out of the walls to hang stuff on. 

Poco a poco

Little by little I'm feeling more a part of the rhythm of life here.  On Friday, I had a Skype date with the girl who taught my kiddos last year.  It was so great to touch base about her curriculum from last year, and learn about the routines and behavior management that worked for her.  Knowing what has come before makes my life so much easier!! I definitely have more peace about school tomorrow, and am excited to try using things the kids know from last year.  One of our struggles here has been that every teacher keeps re-inventing the wheel.  Things like having access to the previous teacher's curriculum, having an overall vision for the program, and working together (novel ideas, I know) are things that the small group of survivors left here are trying to work on.  We are hoping to help build a more sustainable program, and make the road easier for future teachers.

This week has been really rejuvenating for me.  I have finally met a ton of the women of UPAVIM!  This is such an important thing to feel like you belong here.  We threw a party on Friday night for the women, and it was great to meet so many of them, talk, and joke around.  I also went to an exercise class this week, and it was so much fun to workout, chat and laugh together.  I started drawing again (it's been like a year since I've drawn!), and I found out I get Netflix here!  It's been nice to rediscover my creature comforts, and to have things outside of the school day to look forward to.  My roommate also left for 2 weeks to attend language school, and last night was my first night in my own room in over 5 weeks!  There is something so simple and amazing about having your own room.  Tomorrow I start teaching English classes in the evening with the women.

To be sure, we still have our mountains of challenges.  For instance, we've lost water on the roof, so showers no longer exist, laundry cannot be washed - we are a smelly group of teachers up here.  The school is still in disarray with all the changes of directors and teachers, and my kids still hit each other. And. .  .I'm still living in a slum.

But, this has been my best week so far.  Full of my most successful teaching moments here to date, lots of R and R, and more things are happening to help me feel more part of UPAVIM.

My kiddos!

One of my drawings

We had a party for my roomie Billie, and we played pin a kiss on Brad Pitt.  Deborah won, and her kiss is now framed in our kitchen.